:::Static Selecktah Voice:::
Let's get right into it!
Let's get right into it!
Have you ever seen Anchor Man? I hope so, it's one of my all time favorite and most quoted movies of all time. Anyway, the reason I ask is because I want you to recall a certain scene. You know after Ron Burgundy gets abolished from the news station for telling San Diego collectively to go fuck their selves? Well afterwards, he wonders into a restaurant and tries to order a steak. He is refused the steak and instead, he is brought a plate of cat shit. The stipulation is that he must eat the cat shit for redemption to the restaurant owner for what he had done.
I like this theory! Instead of rewarding bad behavior like America often does, I believe that their only way back to redemption and overall good standing should be... to eat a plate of shit. After that, ALL IS FORGIVEN. It's the bottom line sign of accepting responsibility, admitting wrong and mending what they have done.
First on the list
Now I wouldn't venture to call this fat bastardly piece of shit a "celebrity", but I hate him and would love for him to eat a plate of shit. Now, he was the bench coach for the yankees for many years which is just one of many reasons why he deserves to plow into some shit. Bench coach? Fucking christ, what a worthless position. I mostly hate him, because he was a red sock for a long time and switched to the evil empire with a "can't beat 'em, join 'em." attitude. Seriously, fuck a traitor, cowardly unloyal bag of dick.
Yeah, that was awesome.
So, eat some shit, Don Zimmer.
Keenan Thompson
I can't stress this enough... THIS DUDE IS NOT FUNNY! Only reason he ever landed in the limelight is because he was just a mere barnacle on Kel's nuts and rode the cotails of Good Burger. Seriously SNL, what the fuck are you thinking? I bet if you made this dude eat a plate of shit on the air... RATING THROUGH THE ROOF! Fire your PR Advisor and hire me. Done deal.
Okay, I get it that he's more of a character rather than anyone who should be taken seriously, but the dude fucking sucks. No idea what he's talking about ever. Then there was that weird sex scandal... Seriously, Bill-O, here is your heaping plate of shit. Dive in!
Lil Wayne
Now, I hate to say this to anyone that put out The Carter II (flawless album, instant classic). Now, no dis to his talent or music, but as far as style and actions are concerned... dude is corny as the corn in shit! Resort to above photo, seriously? Snowboarding boots? They serve no practical reason at a basketball game, unless the Staples Center in LA suddenly becomes engulfed by an avalanche... in that case, our hero is prepared, but until then... fuck yourself. Also, let's talk about how full of shit this shit-head is. He's at a Laker game with a Laker hat on... where the fuck you from? Ain't LA. You're from New Orleans and last I checked, NO is about to lose that team, because they got no money and last I heard, you're a billionaire. You can't pull a Jay Z like move and bail your home team out? Probably, because the hornets aren't trending right now, so you're out humping this laker trend. Also, Yung Weezy talk about being a blood.... How many bloods you ever seen wear pants like this?
Yep, Kobe is a rapist. A little bitch made bitch. Dirty player. Dumbest human on earth. I could go on and on, but I think we all know where I would end up... EAT SOME SHIT, RAPIST.
(Let the record show that EVEN Ray Allen hates him and Ray is by far the most notoriously nicest guy in the league.)
I like this theory! Instead of rewarding bad behavior like America often does, I believe that their only way back to redemption and overall good standing should be... to eat a plate of shit. After that, ALL IS FORGIVEN. It's the bottom line sign of accepting responsibility, admitting wrong and mending what they have done.First on the list
Don Zimmer
Now I wouldn't venture to call this fat bastardly piece of shit a "celebrity", but I hate him and would love for him to eat a plate of shit. Now, he was the bench coach for the yankees for many years which is just one of many reasons why he deserves to plow into some shit. Bench coach? Fucking christ, what a worthless position. I mostly hate him, because he was a red sock for a long time and switched to the evil empire with a "can't beat 'em, join 'em." attitude. Seriously, fuck a traitor, cowardly unloyal bag of dick.Remember when Pedro tossed him in 04?
Yeah, that was awesome.So, eat some shit, Don Zimmer.
Keenan Thompson
I can't stress this enough... THIS DUDE IS NOT FUNNY! Only reason he ever landed in the limelight is because he was just a mere barnacle on Kel's nuts and rode the cotails of Good Burger. Seriously SNL, what the fuck are you thinking? I bet if you made this dude eat a plate of shit on the air... RATING THROUGH THE ROOF! Fire your PR Advisor and hire me. Done deal.Soulja Boy
First of all, learn how to fucking spell. It's SOLIDER. Secondly, fire your stylist... ohhh that's all you? God help you. You look like an aborted California Rasin. Like a young flavor flav if flavor flav smoked crack and shot up heroine on the daily. Anyway, you're; cheezy, corny, lame, have no talent, no style, DUMB AS SHIT and so forth. Please, let me be the first to say, Soulja Boy, EAT SOME SHIT.
First of all, learn how to fucking spell. It's SOLIDER. Secondly, fire your stylist... ohhh that's all you? God help you. You look like an aborted California Rasin. Like a young flavor flav if flavor flav smoked crack and shot up heroine on the daily. Anyway, you're; cheezy, corny, lame, have no talent, no style, DUMB AS SHIT and so forth. Please, let me be the first to say, Soulja Boy, EAT SOME SHIT.Skip Bayless
My most hated sports caster ever. Worst personality, shittiest attitude and his opinions..... fucking christ. Does this dude even know what sports are? Fucking fuck! He's about as pleasant as a genital rash. Dude is such a prick, even everyone in industry hates him. His only positive contribution to the world is if it were televised while he was eating his portion of literal shit. Don't even bother to heat it up, this ex host of Cold Pizza prefers his shit nice and chilled, washed down with some flat beer and Viagra. EAT SOME SHIT, SKIP BAYLESS.
Rex Ryan
Okay, Mister Foot Fetish himself. The piece of shit coach of my most hated piece of shit team. The guy is such a fat prick. Now, up until now, I'm guessing the only time he's ever eaten shit before was when he was sucking it off a hobo's feet, but for the good of the world Mr. Ryan... EAT SOME SHIT!
My most hated sports caster ever. Worst personality, shittiest attitude and his opinions..... fucking christ. Does this dude even know what sports are? Fucking fuck! He's about as pleasant as a genital rash. Dude is such a prick, even everyone in industry hates him. His only positive contribution to the world is if it were televised while he was eating his portion of literal shit. Don't even bother to heat it up, this ex host of Cold Pizza prefers his shit nice and chilled, washed down with some flat beer and Viagra. EAT SOME SHIT, SKIP BAYLESS.Rex Ryan
Okay, Mister Foot Fetish himself. The piece of shit coach of my most hated piece of shit team. The guy is such a fat prick. Now, up until now, I'm guessing the only time he's ever eaten shit before was when he was sucking it off a hobo's feet, but for the good of the world Mr. Ryan... EAT SOME SHIT!Bill O'Reilly
Lil Wayne
Now, I hate to say this to anyone that put out The Carter II (flawless album, instant classic). Now, no dis to his talent or music, but as far as style and actions are concerned... dude is corny as the corn in shit! Resort to above photo, seriously? Snowboarding boots? They serve no practical reason at a basketball game, unless the Staples Center in LA suddenly becomes engulfed by an avalanche... in that case, our hero is prepared, but until then... fuck yourself. Also, let's talk about how full of shit this shit-head is. He's at a Laker game with a Laker hat on... where the fuck you from? Ain't LA. You're from New Orleans and last I checked, NO is about to lose that team, because they got no money and last I heard, you're a billionaire. You can't pull a Jay Z like move and bail your home team out? Probably, because the hornets aren't trending right now, so you're out humping this laker trend. Also, Yung Weezy talk about being a blood.... How many bloods you ever seen wear pants like this?
Seriously, give your girlfriend her pants back. Sit down and help yourself to a nice big plate of shit. Actually have 2 plates... you know, to make up for the whole snowboarding boot thingy at the basketball game.
Kim Kardashian
Congrats Kim! Only woman to make my list. Seriously, this chick is a direct example of America rewarding bad behavior. Let me remind you how this girl got famous? Yeah the story ends with her playing a live skeet target to Ray J. Don't get me wrong, chick is pretty, boobs look awesome, but is dumb as fuck and makes me want to puke on command. Seriously Kim, EAT SOME SHIT! You know, for that whole bullshit reality showcase of horse shit.
Congrats Kim! Only woman to make my list. Seriously, this chick is a direct example of America rewarding bad behavior. Let me remind you how this girl got famous? Yeah the story ends with her playing a live skeet target to Ray J. Don't get me wrong, chick is pretty, boobs look awesome, but is dumb as fuck and makes me want to puke on command. Seriously Kim, EAT SOME SHIT! You know, for that whole bullshit reality showcase of horse shit.
Yep, Kobe is a rapist. A little bitch made bitch. Dirty player. Dumbest human on earth. I could go on and on, but I think we all know where I would end up... EAT SOME SHIT, RAPIST.(Let the record show that EVEN Ray Allen hates him and Ray is by far the most notoriously nicest guy in the league.)
Terry "The Hulk" Hogan
So, the Macho King Randy Savage coined this dude, "The Pukester" and I refer to him as nothing other than that. The pukester has built his career off of being an ass-kissing pussy. What a weak little bitch. This dude has spent the last 15 years of his life dodging the Macho Man on some real life beef shit. Pukester and Macho were homies, but Pukester did him dirty and the Macho King couldn't look the other way. Since Machho Man has passed on as one of the biggest tragedies of the year, he can't continue the beef with the Pukester, but I can and I ain't letting this shit go. Eat a giant load of shit, pukester. See you in hell!
So, the Macho King Randy Savage coined this dude, "The Pukester" and I refer to him as nothing other than that. The pukester has built his career off of being an ass-kissing pussy. What a weak little bitch. This dude has spent the last 15 years of his life dodging the Macho Man on some real life beef shit. Pukester and Macho were homies, but Pukester did him dirty and the Macho King couldn't look the other way. Since Machho Man has passed on as one of the biggest tragedies of the year, he can't continue the beef with the Pukester, but I can and I ain't letting this shit go. Eat a giant load of shit, pukester. See you in hell!Steve the Dell Dude
Definitely not a celebrity, but definitely not a stranger to this blog. I hate this stupid, stoner ass hat. Please find him in any random Jack in the Box dumpster in San Jose and bring him to me. Set him down. Let him eat all the shit he wants. Fuck you, Steve.
Lamar Odom
This is not a biased decision to put him on the list. I know a lot of you think I just hate him cause he got me kicked off twitter. I hate him for legitimate reasons too. Not only is Lamar stupid, dirty player, retard, basically bankrupted and sank the entire UNLV basketball program, married "the ugly sister", was a laker for many years, has the douchiest brand Rich Soil... he's also hideously ugly. Which is why I chose the picture that I did. That's big Perk when he was on the mean green slapping him up. Also, Lamar is 6'11" and never dunks..... PUSSY! Eat some shit, Loser!
Definitely not a celebrity, but definitely not a stranger to this blog. I hate this stupid, stoner ass hat. Please find him in any random Jack in the Box dumpster in San Jose and bring him to me. Set him down. Let him eat all the shit he wants. Fuck you, Steve.Lamar Odom
This is not a biased decision to put him on the list. I know a lot of you think I just hate him cause he got me kicked off twitter. I hate him for legitimate reasons too. Not only is Lamar stupid, dirty player, retard, basically bankrupted and sank the entire UNLV basketball program, married "the ugly sister", was a laker for many years, has the douchiest brand Rich Soil... he's also hideously ugly. Which is why I chose the picture that I did. That's big Perk when he was on the mean green slapping him up. Also, Lamar is 6'11" and never dunks..... PUSSY! Eat some shit, Loser!Chris Brown
And here we are! The top of the list! God, what a walking, talking, dancing human turd. I believe if this dude ate some shit, it would a form of cannibalism. I mean, c'mon, he looks like a real life garbage pail kid. This is America rewarding bad behavior at it's finest. Dude beats the living christ out of Rhianna, trashes a dressing room at a tv station, throws a chair through the window and just all around acts like a fucking asshole and all is forgiven because he can dance and invented the snapback. This retard also got me banned off of twitter. To end the list, let me say, EAT SOME SHIT CHRIS BROWN AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE, PLEASE EAT SOME MORE. I don't think you can ever redeem yourself in my eyes.
The young Slim and gifted! I hope you enjoyed my list!
And here we are! The top of the list! God, what a walking, talking, dancing human turd. I believe if this dude ate some shit, it would a form of cannibalism. I mean, c'mon, he looks like a real life garbage pail kid. This is America rewarding bad behavior at it's finest. Dude beats the living christ out of Rhianna, trashes a dressing room at a tv station, throws a chair through the window and just all around acts like a fucking asshole and all is forgiven because he can dance and invented the snapback. This retard also got me banned off of twitter. To end the list, let me say, EAT SOME SHIT CHRIS BROWN AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE, PLEASE EAT SOME MORE. I don't think you can ever redeem yourself in my eyes.The young Slim and gifted! I hope you enjoyed my list!
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